Do You Understand The Phrase ‘TMI’, Rose..?

I’m on my period today. It’s day four so I’m barely bleeding, but I’m still wearing a sanitary pad. On day two – usually my heaviest bleeding day – I had to use four sanitary pads. When I went to the gym I also used a tampon as I was worried about leaking in my gym shorts. Still, I’ve only had to take one codeine tablet this month, plus a handful of paracetamol and …

Wait. I’m not supposed to be saying this out loud. I’m meant to excrete the lining of my womb discreetly, fragrantly and silently.

Where else? The ‘Guardian’, on course. Because discreetness about bodily function is just another way the patriarchy keeps the womyn down!

How daft, though, to think that talking about periods requires courage. I do it all the time (too much, my friends think), because I’m proud of my body, both when it runs marathons, and when it bleeds. My period may hurt, but not as much as not talking about menstruation does. Period talk: it’s time it was a team sport.

If every man you meet corners you to talk at length about his piles or his latest prostate exam, you’ll only have yourself to blame, love…

17 comments for “Do You Understand The Phrase ‘TMI’, Rose..?

  1. Robert the Biker
    January 28, 2015 at 12:16 pm

    “If every man you meet corners you….” No fear of that from over here 🙂 Talk about ‘too much information’, why is it that all these harridans think the world is due a headache from listening to their interminable clatter about their bodily functions- and how it is somehow MY fault because I have a willy.

  2. Ed P
    January 28, 2015 at 1:53 pm

    Rose could wear a red armband (or a red rose) when she’s menstruating, so she doesn’t have to open her stupid mouth and tell everyone. And I bet she hates that word, starting with MEN!

  3. The Jannie
    January 28, 2015 at 2:44 pm

    Ed P – isn’t there already a colloquialism about “flying the red flag”?

    • Ed P
      January 28, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Indeed! Maybe all Guardianistas sing, “We’ll keep the red flag flying here” when they’re rosy. 😀

  4. Radical Rodent
    January 28, 2015 at 4:24 pm

    Yep, any word starting with “men” – it’s like a red rag to a bull…

    Ooops.

  5. Viscount Rectum
    January 28, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    If I may be so bold, there was a reference to piles so I would like to help the worlds pile sufferers— after having a poo wash your bum (sorry I meant rectum) with cold water, it works.

  6. Mac the Knife
    January 28, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    “If every man you meet corners you to talk at length about his piles or his latest prostate exam, you’ll only have yourself to blame, love…”

    Nah, let’s move directly to endgame. A lavishly detailed account of your favourite bowel-movement, with photographs of the product(s) should do it.

    Bodily functions? We got ’em…

    • Furor Teutonicus
      January 29, 2015 at 10:35 am

      XX with photographs of the product(s) should do it.XX

      THAT’S why German bogs are designed that way! As a photographic aid!!!

      Who’d have thunk it? 😯

    • January 30, 2015 at 2:51 am

      Account below, as requested, but without the snaps.

      The aristocratic rectum is offended, it seems. He is steaming.

  7. January 29, 2015 at 1:39 am

    Camellias used to do the trick.

    By the Lord Harry I had a fine shit this morning. Usually I read an article or two from the Spectator while nature takes its course and the contents of my beautiful, nay fascinating manly rectum discharge. But today it just went on and on. I had to switch to a longer and more thought-rendering article from the Quadrant. By crikey the strain of keeping up with the complex arguements put therein was a perfect match for the straining down behind to finish the last drop.

    But I suppose you are not really interested in that, are you, dear Gruniad columnist. Or maybe you are. Woe betide you should you stop me, you misandric red-weeping blood-clot.

    • Viscount Rectum
      January 29, 2015 at 7:55 pm

      Do you really need to lower the tone of this blog with such crude comments the only thing missing is your smell thank god.

      • January 30, 2015 at 2:49 am

        Smell the Camellias. 🙂

        • Viscount Rectum
          January 30, 2015 at 1:29 pm

          Amfartas. if wit was shit you would be constipated.

          • January 31, 2015 at 1:28 pm

            Now now, Be a nice rectum.

      • Ed P
        January 30, 2015 at 9:22 am

        That’s quite ironic coming from someone with your moniker!

  8. January 30, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I bet she is popular at parties! 😆

    • Mudplugger
      January 30, 2015 at 1:05 pm

      But not this week.

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