Just wondering if there’s any significance in that the walking stick pictured was from a page called Irish Walking Sticks?
No matter. A word to our reader Hereward unbowed – thanks, kind sir, for the wishes of recovery.
These few days laid up have been fascinating, at first for three-legged antics upon standing but then the creative possibilities dawned. Hell, I can make the letter W. I can even make the letter M.
Bored wi’it all, next time I rose from my bed of death, I tried to emulate those pole dancing lasses:
… predictably falling arse-over-tit and doing the back in again. No matter.
Next trick was in the High Street [taxi there and back] for food shopping. Having bought the comestibles and preparing for locomotion, I’d take the offending item from my pack and point it across the counter from the checkout lady [whose services I usually make a beeline for and who knows me well, I hasten to add], it would spring into horizontal linear mode, I’d look across at her and deliver my James Bond impression: “It’s loaded you know.”
Or a neighbour would ask after my state of health, I’d hold the drooping stick below belt level at 45 derees to the vertical, it would spring to attention and I’d answer: “Not unlike that.” That one did not go down as hoped and was promptly dropped from the repertoire. No matter.
Another dropped from the repertoire was to have the stick coiled up in the pack and ask my mate if he wanted to see my one-eyed trouser snake. The plan, of course, was to invite him to lift it from the pack, at which point it would spring to attention and hit him in the moosh. For obvious reasons, that idea was also filed in the bin under Fail. No matter.
Mind you, he has his own sense of the absurd. He’s recently taken to buying long items at home handyman stores, carrying them either on his shoulder or under his arm and when I’d say: “Careful, watch that lady,” about a lady just coming down the aisle, he’d spin round to me and ask: “Pardon?” with predictable results. Fortunately, most ladies see the gleam in his eye before approaching.
Anyway, it was done years ago by Lowe and Sykes in The Plank:
The stick is wonderful though and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed this back injury. Things can be hooked and dragged towards the bed at will by the handle or the stick reversed and things pushed away, like TV table trays.
Then I can make the letter W. I can even make the letter M. But I’ve given away the pole dancing.